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Another F*cked Up Night Out With Dave |
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So I was out with my friend Dave last weekend.
We went around to some local bars in the area.
I was consoling him through a recent breakup of his.
I was also really bored and didn't have anything else to do that night.
He said the girl that just broke up with him was the love of his life and he'll never be able to find anyone like her again, blah, blah, blah.
I was barely listening, paying attention just enough to get the next round of drinks that Dave was buying.
So after visiting the third bar my friend Dave could barely stand up.
Even though I'm not really listening to what he's mumbling I do hear him announce in a somewhat proud manner that he has to vomit.
Dave's a big boy, an alpha male type. Kind of a douchebag.
Even with all his strength, in his current condition I was forced to help him to the bathroom.
So we get in the bathroom and I can tell Dave is ready to puke.
But there is a problem. All the stalls are occupied.
Without hesitation Dave runs to the first stall and kicks it open.
There is this kid in there who has this look of surprise and terror on his face that I have never seen before.
Dave pukes all over him. Projectile vomit all over this kid.
Then he does something that I don't immediately understand. Dave punches the kid in the face and runs out of the bathroom.
As we're running out to the parking lot I ask him why he punched the kid. Dave said if he was going the bathroom and somebody kicked the door in and puked all over him he would beat that person's ass. So in Dave's twisted mind he was just getting in the first shot. Make's sense I guess in a Dave sort of way.
I can only imagine the other guy and what kind of horrible story would that be. What if he was on a date?
This poor guy comes back to his table covered in vomit with a fresh black eye. Can you imagine his confusion about the events that just took place?
I can only hope the girl was into guy's with black eyes who smell like vomit. F*ckin Dave, what a dick.
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